Can't Get No Satisfaction

You are easily please and satisfied..
I'm not...I'm always left wanting..
WHY ME?! Why can't I be like you??!!
Maybe I just need a distraction..hmm :3

Road Block

Just when I thought I had it all figured out..

Just when it seemed like things were finally looking up..

Just when I thought I can handle it and fix the situation..

I am yet again faced with another road block.

Why?

Why does it seem as if when i finally get a break, another bad thing happens in my life?

Or is this even a bad thing?

Or is it just the ugly truth that I can't and don't want to accept?

I've been putting off these feelings, but I can't hold them any longer..

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Am I just being selfish and controlling?

Or is this something that's really serious now??

I've never noticed this change.

But now it's killing me.

It's not the same as before.

I'm different now, and so are you.

What happened? To you, to me, to us?!

Is this all just my imagination? Or have I really, FINALLY gone insane?

All I know is that if I don't find the answer soon, I will seriously GIVE UP.

Now I guess I'll just let time heal it all and observe. Then I'll find a way to pass this road block.

U-Turn

Life is slowly getting better.

I guess I really just have to look at it with a different point of view.

I just have to stop over-assuming and thinking of useless "What Ifs".

I'm just killing myself.

I guess I have to learn to share and not to mind. I WILL REALLY TRY.

And I guess I can't stop trying and I can't give up..I just can't.

I just have to learn to be a better person. Get through this.

I'm really thankful my friends have my back. LOVE YOU GUYS! Without you, I won't be here.. o.O

I really hope this summer will be the summer of change for me.
I need this. I need a new start.

I have to start fulfilling what I was meant to do and finally do something with my life.

I see a great reward in the future. I just hope that I don't let myself get in the way of my greatness.

Wish me luck.

I'm taking a U-Turn and I WILL CHANGE MY LIFE. Watch me.

Unwanted..

How can I be wanted by others that I never wanted to have? And to them, I'm they're everything...it's crazy and scary...I never thought I'd see the day when I don't want any admirers..But they're getting out of hand..

But what really sucks is they REALLY want me...but with you, I greatly doubt if you even want me at all...

Why is that? How could that be? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Right now with you I feel like I'm uninvited and unwanted..or at the very least, not important..

But I know I'm just being selfish..I'm already lucky to have you..But why do I feel this way? I'm so sorry..you don't deserve me at all..It's just that I thought when you have someone in your life, they become your everything...but as of now, I feel like I'm just..nothing.

Odd One Out

Do you have that feeling that you don't belong? Like you're just a third wheel? Or what about unwanted company? Sometimes (well, recently most of the time) that's how I feel...

Like I'm just invading or bothering everyone else's space. It feels like people are around me cause they're just trying to put up with me..not because they want to.

I'm also always everyone's last choice. Everyone has their buddy. I always end up last one standing...alone.

Is it true? Or is it just me and my complicated imagination? Hmmmm...

Hmmm..?

5-12-10
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Life is so ironic...it's like a girl..Full of moodswings, a total roller coaster ride. Can't life get a life?!

That stupid line keeps getting longer..I am seriously considering wearing a paper bag over my head or start becoming meaner...I'm tired of all this junk and drama with boys...I WILL GIVE UP ON THE MALE RACE SOON...just one more and I am seriously gonna snap! UGH!

Life is also confusing at the moment...I can't wait for summer..do a little soul searching. Isolate myself. To find myself. I seriously do NOT know anything anymore. All I can say is just I'm breezing through life ATM.

And I'm super worried about my friends. Gosh. Why did all our lives get complicated this year? And why all at the same time? It's like war and attack on all of us. Compiled problems are not good. It brings everyone down and just adds to all the drama.

And so far, I'm still under the storm. It feels like I haven't even reached the half-point yet..Gosh when will that peace and calm come?! I don't know if I can survive any longer..I'm thinking of giving up the oars and stop rowing. Trying is hard. I'm so close to giving up. The clouds are just too thick for any light to be shown.

What is wrong with me? Hmmmmm...?

?

5-8-10

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oh that feeling again..where did you come from?

why are you back? go away. i don't want you here to stay.

why?! why when everything started to finally look up for me?

am i the only person allowed to not be happy? am i the only person not allowed to make mistakes?
i'm so tired of being perfect, good, nice...i don't want to care anymore.

i'm dying on the inside...i'm going to go insane soon.

why? why is it always me?

i'm losing it. i'm losing myself.

why out of all the times, NOW?

and how come it seems like i'm always the one going through this...

i can't take it anymore..i see no hope. no rainbow. no sunshine. i see NOTHING.

and i'm so afraid...
and there's no one to help me.